You hit like a Girl: The Dunes Strike Back and the Rainfall of Panties

Ever have one of those really pointless days where you go to bed thinking "Dude, I got nothing done."?

That's nice.

So this weeked was full of action-packed adventures! There was. . . the grandest journey ever embarked by a group of level ones. The petrifying lands of the Valkurm Dunes. . . in the Twilight Zone. . . Seeing more clearly. . . and. . . of course. . . panties.

So this weekend I felt daring. You know, that invincible feeling you get. Nothing can bring you down. Nothing. It's like in the movies where someone who is not athletic in any way becomes the greatest athlete in only a matter of days and a inspirational song. THE EYE OF THE TIGGERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup. I was feeling like that.

I rallied together a band of fearless warriors and bravely we ventured outside the protective walls of Jeuno. Okay so many we weren't warriors. . . and we were all level 1 going to run to Bibiki Bay because we wanted to see the water and maybe go surfing.... you know, beach fun!

All was going well. We marched outside those Jeuno gates. . . ahh, freedom felt good. You could feel the freedom winds blowing in your hair. The call of freedom speaking to you from distances only the bravest explorers have dared venture (Read: people who are not level 1). I felt the rush... the excitement, the adrenaline pounding in my veins and screaming at my heart "HALLELUJAH" thus scaring it to death and making it pound at my rib cage which enclosed it. Man that caffeine was good.

Anyways... We took our first steps out into Sauro(tab), Sirivalin, Enlenne, Inari, and myself (Schnooks). Awesome. At this rate we'll get to Bibiki before tea time!

That's when the unexpected happened. . . Something distracted me, so for just a moment I turned my head and cast my glance somewhere off of the road. The food in the microwave was done! I could feel my hunger tearing at me. . . I could even hear it. . . it sounded like. . . like dying. . .

Wait a minute. . .

I noticed my HP plunge into the red like a fat guy jumping into the deep end of a pool. Surprisingly my level 1ness was too powerful for that Skank. Woops, I mean Skink. Who the hell comes up with these names?

SE Developer #1: -hic- so man. .. that party.. -hic- was great or wut?
SE Developer #2: -burp- fawk yeah man. . . fawk yeah. ..
SE Developer #1: Who was that . . .that chick you were with? She was hot. . .
SE Developer #2: Naw man. . . she was a Skink. . .
SE Developer #1: . . . dude.. . -hic- wtf is a Skink?
SE Developer #2: dude. . . I meant skank. . .
SE Developer #1: wait. . . Skink. . . that name is going places! -hic-

We may never know. . .

Anyways, I didn't fall on that first hit. I may have died on the second one, but my uber leet toughness couldn't be one-shotted!!

So there I was, laying helpless on the ground watching as my comrades turn to my slayer. Determined to avenge me, they all started fist-fighting him. It's like the movies. . .where a loved one dies or gets hurt and the people who are left behind get thrown into a rage that thrives on their love and need for avenging their fallen party member and makes them invincible. A tear was brought to my eye.

Or that could have been the sand. . .

Either way, I was expecting a heroic ending.

It didn't happen.

Instead we all layed on the sands of Sauro(tab) and bathed in the sun there rather than Bibiki. . .

Not too much later it was time to raid us some PANTIES!!!!

I never really got that thrill from panty-raiding. . . you steal people's panties. . . then what?

. . . Anyways. . .

So in an attempt to get maximum hate off of the fomors, the mega boss lady of TheBrotherhood, Zerayla is in the process of organizing several subligar runs. This time I managed to nab myself some nice Drk panties. Yum <3

I was rather disappointed my homegirl Eba wasn't there. Eba and I go way back. Waaaaay back to. . . last Subligar run. She owned us pretty hard. I just think that's her way of saying she digs me though. I don't blame her. I would dig me too.

Let me heal your wounds, babe.

Oh yeah, being a White Mage is so tough. Too bad I was a blm for that run. '-'

Anyways. . .everything was going fine! That was until the mages started to get low MP. . .and then the bst called his pet bat that linked with another bat. Siri was forced to use his black magic powers and Sleepga II them. Unfortunately that caught the spider who was hiding in the corner.

Did I mention we were fighting in a sewer?

Eeyuck! I've been deodorizing myself ever since and still can't get that repulsive smell out of my Cleric's Briault D:

Getting back on track here. . . the Diremite (aka spider) woke up sooner than anticipated. . . we were forced to engage. Well, they were forced. I was resting for MP because being a blm is hard work.

Myrrh (the whm) soon benedictioned after shortly arriving to replace Falk in the area of White Mageliness.

Oooh boy that Diremite was not happy.

"Choo curin' em for, bish?" I could swear I heard the Diremite say before he struck Myrrh to the ground. Poor manthra. (Fun fact: Did you know a manthra is a man with boobs?) That's when things kind of spiraled out of control. I manafonted as soon as I could, but obviously not soon enough and I was down too.

"I've seen the Titanic go down more graceful than you. . ."

In the end we did really good and I left happy with my new Drk panties. I can't wait to wear them out!!!

I mean wear them.

.........

Valkurm Dunes Strikes Back

I guess the Dunes was tired of being hated so dearly for. I guess he was sad for being nominated as the worst zone in the game. The goblins he unleashed on you while you were dashing toward the Outpost wasn't enough. The Bogy's that crept up on your parties that were fishing for pugils wasn't enough either. He just had to have his revenge.
"I'll show you what REAL Hell is!!"

That Hell is called Dynamis-Valkurm.

It seemed innocent at first. Everyone gathered to the heiroglyphics monday evening, determined for an easy CoP run. I love the Dreamlands so much. First of all, the maximum time limit is 2hrs. So short!! <3 <3 <3 and more sideways hearts <3 <3 <3!!! Secondly, Dynamis-Buburimu was CAKE. Valkurm? Pfft that was going to be like sending a College Grad back to Kindergarten. Easy.
(You can see one of the ls leaders in the background on the green chocobo wielding his brand new Aegis... Congratulations Agris!!)

That's cake, right?

WRONG.

That College grad must have been a retard or something, because he didn't pass kindergarten. We go in, and everythign seems fine. I hear a ls leader telling someone to pull a fly. Ahhh, this reminds me of my Dunes parties. . . Only I knew these flies would be a bitch. Quickly I barwatera'd and barpoisonra'd my party.

Then the fly did this venom move. No big dealio!!! I poisona'd my party and all was fine. However I didn't realize the potency of this poison. Maybe that was because I cured a galka, and his HP loss isn't as noticeable as say. . . a squishy blm mithra?

That poison must have taken at least 200 a tick, because all of a sudden blms just start dropping dead. I quickly saved Siri because i'm selfish and I need my man. >.>

The fun was only just beginning though. . .

We established camp at Whitebone Beach. I healed in my normal spot that I would were I in a regular Dunes party. In the water away from the melees. Well in ls chat the leader Kisada told all the mages to back away from the melee asap. My keyboard locked up on me, so I couldn't move right away.

As soon as I stood, I fell on my face. . .dead. Something hit me for 1k damage. . . and my poor mageliness doesn't even have 1k HP.

I looked around to see what my alliance was fighting. . . it was a fungaur on crack. His poison was more deadly than the flies, and his regular physical attacks hit for 1k. I got up quickly and ran to the safety of behind the other mages.

I kneeled down to recharge, and just as my knees bent I was informed that we were moving once again.

Christ.

I got up and followed the alliance across the dunes and past the path to Selbina. We fought Quadavs. Those were easy as pie. Mm pie. Easy as apple pie. Actually, I don't like apple pie it's kind of gross. Infact, I think I prefer poptarts over pie.

Anyways, after the quadavs we ran to the Selbina zone. The gate was closed, so it wasn't like we could zone into that poor, hick town. Siri and I became pirates once and pillaged the town and stole all their Selbina milk. . .but that's another story for another time. . .

So infront of the closed gate stood a Malboro. Now from experience I knew that these were nasty Mofos. I wasn't expecting it to not aggro though. I guess that was his trap. . . luring unsuspecting white mages into false hope. . .

I hate Sweet Breath. . .

I hate it. . .

I hate it when the melees whine because they are poisoned, gravitied. . .and whatever else that sweet breath does. ..

GRRRRRRRRRR

Then we moved on to Sabotenders. . .

1,000 Needles was okay.

2,000 Needles was tolerable.

10,000 Needles being spammed every other move freaking sucked.

Don't even get me started on the Sheeps that spammed Sheep Song. . . The hippogryphs and their dispelga. . . and the manticores with their Max MP down. . . .

That is a whm's HELL....

Siri was having a blast though.

On a totally unrelated note though:

I was playing around with my FFXI registry. . .and edited the graphics. . .and now I am in love with the game. <3 It's almost xbox quality!